If you’ve been in the corporate world long (or involved with many humans in ANY capacity), someone’s name probably comes to mind with these descriptions…
- It seems like it’s always “their way or the highway.”
- They’re not open to discussion or new ideas.
- They like their way of doing things and get angry if you try to change it.
- If they were no longer in the company, it would be a breath of fresh air.
I’ve worked with several of these people over the years. Of those who come to mind readily,
- One left the company (to everyone’s delight),
- One was fired (to everyone’s delight), and
- One became a good friend (to my delight).
There are at least four things I’ve learned from my time with them:
1. They’re real people
They had real things happen to them, and go home to a real home life. Until you understand them more on a personal level, you are probably addressing symptoms, not root causes. In fact, if you’d prefer to just get them out of the way, you’re probably more like them than you’d like to admit.
2. Everyone needs to grow, not just them
Early in my career these people were purely an obstacle to my comfort, and I would go home furious and vent to my family. But honestly, I know for a fact I have sent a few people home feeling the same way about me. “What causes fights and quarrels among you? Is it not this: that your desires are at war within you.” (James 4:1, the Bible). This one verse describes every frustrating conversation I’ve ever had. Both of us had desires and they were not aligned.
3. They can sometimes become friends
“The purpose in a man’s heart is like deep water, but a man of understanding will draw it out.” (Proverbs 20:5). There was a guy I worked with once who was emotionally up and down. He was a bit stand-offish in large meetings and embarrassing to my department. But over time as I sought to understand what made him tick, he became one of my closest friends at that job and we still talk occasionally many years later.
4. You’re not responsible to fix them
I remember writing a long email to my boss about a hurting employee in the engineering department, concerned that she was really struggling with changes he was implementing. He responded that there was a lot more to the story; she was the Old Guard, with her personal identity tied up in her work and her way of doing things. When we tried to change that, her world was flipped upside down. He fired her not long after and the department was SO much better off. There’s only One Person who can change hearts, and you’re not him. Sometimes they just need to go for the sake of the team and you can pray they own up to their terrible behavior somewhere else.
In summary, don’t be the guy with his ears plugged, and seek to understand why those who do have their ears plugged are the way they are. I guarantee you will grow in the process, and you may just find a friend.
(image by Dall-E)